Page 43

April 5th, 2016, 11:06 pm
Page 43
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LilBruno
April 5th, 2016, 11:06 pm
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Page 43 Art, Characters & Story © Chelsea A. Bruno "LilBruno"
Pokemon & Universe © GameFreak/Nintendo/Pokemon Company

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Reader Comments
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Match25 (Guest)
April 6th, 2016, 5:43 am
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This barefooter tomboy is ready to kick butt
LilBruno
April 6th, 2016, 8:14 am
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@Match25: time to train! :D
John Doe (Guest)
April 6th, 2016, 7:42 am
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Did Syd change her artstyle

For now its kinda pity that comic has absolutely no buildup and kinda go pretty flat, without interest or action spykes
LilBruno
April 6th, 2016, 8:13 am
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@John Doe: art style should be the same. Sorry if it seems stale :/ there'll be some battles soon. Hopefully it gets better for you!
John Doe (Guest)
April 6th, 2016, 9:03 am
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Hairstyle, my bad XD

Well, problem is not that there is no fights. Its kinda... stock and standard. There is no sign of something large. How to explane.... Remember Mewtwo in RGB or FRLG? How you find books in old mansion about how he was created and how he broke free and how he is the strongest pokemon? Or how you constantly meet N before you learn that he is part of Plasma and it's leader? Thats build up. You give reader signs about something big, awesome or scary in the future. Here you kinda go through the motion with only a gengar being a curve ball, which you immediately write out as a glitch. Try reading about build up and pacing
LilBruno
April 6th, 2016, 6:40 pm
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@John Doe: There's more to come in the future. We're only in Viridian Forest. We meet more people in Pewter City that I've written, I just haven't gotten there yet. I've noticed this when starting this chapter and have been looking into it. There's a lot I've written and planned for future chapters. This is my first comic of this style, so I'm still learning, but I appreciate the input and critique.

And yea, she put her hair up in her hat. It's nothing permanent, just a once in a while thing.
Match25 (Guest)
April 8th, 2016, 3:19 pm
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@LilBruno: John Doe is a jerk
Jane Doe (Guest)
April 7th, 2016, 10:32 pm
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The best stories I've read, the story is the buildup. Random crap thrown in just to make it "interesting" can become incredibly annoying if done too often.

Team Rocket wasn't "something big" until you got to Saffron city - halfway through the game - at which point you realize an entire city is being held captive by these rebel trainers. Sure, Giovanni showed up before that, but he wasn't really important. Once you ruin his plans, he retreats to his hideout... as the last gym leader, only one step from the Elite four. And Mewtwo? This guy created him.

That sort of "stock and standard" spawned the entire Pokemon franchise, so I totally disagree with your complaint, John Doe.
John Doe (Guest)
April 8th, 2016, 2:57 am
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Jane, looks like you mix up turms of build up and deus ex machina. They are absolutely different thing. "Random crap" is deus ex machina which is used to change situation drasticly. Build up is slow and steardy setting up later stuff, you know, stuff that make pig story big and not just a connection of events.

Rockets we NOT big before Saffron but we meet them after the first town and more then once after that. We know that there is a band. We know that they are not weakling yongsters. And they constantly mention their leader and how tough he is before you meet them. And then there is build up in form of intro where we have two cool looking monsters fighting. And we are also really close to victory road and there we meet our rival who tell us that guys there are tough. And awesome. And will kick you ass if you are not ready. And you are not ready as you wont even be able to enter. And then there is manga PokeSpe. Just open up first chapter and count how long it takes to hear about mew. Or see rocket grunt. Or even see freaking solarbeam!

Right now comic is suffering from, lets call it that, "slice of life syndrome", or maybe even better "pokemon anime syndrome" where instead of fallowing clear three arc structure author is abandoning it in turms of small everyday stories. While its not bad, it doesn't really work as character centered hero journey stuff. Author started tame and go really flat with no interest spikes so right now it really has nothing to offer apart from spunky barefoot main hero, but who right now is not interesting enought to hold artention very well
Jane Doe (Guest)
April 8th, 2016, 5:50 pm
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@John Doe: Sorry, did I say Deus Ex Machina anywhere? No? I didn't think so. Slice of life doesn't involve pokemon - go look it up.

Team rocket was seemingly a pointless side story until suddenly they burst onto the scene. This comic already has that - why did her low-level gengar show up where it wasn't supposed to? Will her long wait before becoming a trainer have serious consequences? What strange and wonderful things will happen on her adventure?

God, there's always some obnoxious Anon on the internet itching to berate everyone. Can't you just appreciate the art?
LilBruno
April 8th, 2016, 11:27 pm
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@Jane Doe: @John Doe: Okay. John Doe isn't entirely wrong, I do agree the comic may be moving a bit slowly. But at the same time, with John's example, being like the games, you don't hear any mention of team rocket until mt moon or mewtwo until you read the books in the mansion, which is also much further in the game. Like I said before, we are only in Viridian Forest and I haven't gotten the chance to introduce my other characters.

This comic is meant to be more episodic and I'm not planning on it being a super serious kind of story. I do want it like the anime, where its just fun episodes along my main characters journey.

John Doe's critique is valid, and something I've already thought about myself. I am getting to more story elements in the future that I have already written. I hope you all enjoy what's coming! I am always open to critiques and I put them into consideration.
Match25 (Guest)
April 10th, 2016, 12:19 am
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@LilBruno: John Doe is still a jerk
John Doe (Guest)
April 9th, 2016, 2:02 pm
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@LilBruno, but what about league itself?:D Anyway, I'm just trying to help and make comic better

"I do want it like the anime, where its just fun episodes along my main characters journey." - actually anime has a sort of overarching story progression, which was especially strong in DP series and at start of BW series(using japanese classification where there are not 19 seasons of anime there are 5 big series with different seasons inside). And every series actually has pretty well defined start and end. There are just more "filler" episodes that doesn't move main story then actual story episodes. Anyway, For now look like you still have a bit of problems with writing a stor for a full chapter. While chapter one was ok, here gengar stuff was really rashed. And even then, read about pacing:D That is really useful stuff

@Jane Doe, reread my previous post again. I never stated that LilBruno's slice of life has anything with pokemons. I stated that this comic about Syd is right now is written like A slice of life comics. Like, any slice of life.

"Random crap thrown in just to make it 'interesting' can become incredibly annoying if done too often.". Random or better to say completely unestablished stuff is Deus ex Machina. Build up is setting up stuff for later and showing glimpses of what to come."why did her low-level gengar show up where it wasn't supposed to?" - it's a glitch. Author stated it herself on previous pages.

"Can't you just appreciate the art?" No, If I like something I want it to become better and, what is more important, I also want author to become better. Thus I write critiques. And thus as a writer myself I would prefer one negative review with a ton of text explaining why stuff I wrote is bad rather than ten thousands "great work, keep it up" posts
Jane Doe (Guest)
April 9th, 2016, 2:52 pm
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@John Doe: Okay, clearly you can't understand what's being said without changing the words around so it fits your argument.

The problem I have with your "critique" is that there's only one valid point: there's no real battling so far. Everything else is so cliche (comments mentioning slice of life, anime, slow pacing) that I get tired of reading the same garbage on every single comic I read.

I get it, you want to help the comic be better. That's great! Now actually do it. Provide real criticisms instead of broad, unassuming statements masquerading as insight.
John Doe (Guest)
April 10th, 2016, 1:57 am
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@Jane Doe: and what is real critisims by your standart? "This is awesome?" or in line of "her hair change size from panel to panel"? If there are big and broad problem then need big and broad words.

If author wouldn't work on actual pacing, battling wouldn't help at all. Since battle is something entirely build around dynamic, timing and pace. Which author is not very familiar, judging from panel with volt tackling Watson, which fail to deliver any feeling of speed and power because of not very well chosen angle. So we come back to big words - author needs to learn about pacing as it is reason for almost all mistakes in this comics. But you can continue to think that all is perfect all is good and there is no need to help author to grow
Jane Doe (Guest)
April 11th, 2016, 10:43 pm
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@John Doe: Real criticisms are things like:

- "John Doe inserts his own assumptions to prove his points, which is fallacious and unhelpful."
- "John Doe talks about pacing for three posts before finally listing a specific example regarding the Volt Tackle, which is actually a very good criticism. The battle would be lacking even if it wasn't one-dimensional, since the "rules" are not self-evident, and the story world hasn't yet become well-understood by the reader. Obviously John needs better pacing when presenting his criticisms."

Is that the type of negative review you were looking for? If so, then I wish you good luck in your writing career. Learning from problems in the present is worth a thousand successes in the future.
Jackal (Guest)
April 9th, 2016, 5:51 pm
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I see you're getting some criticism (which isn't always bad), but I love how the comic is going LilBruno! I wouldn't still be here if I didn't.

Also, I'm loving Watson's expression in the upper right panel. Pretty much how I feel every morning.
LilBruno
April 10th, 2016, 1:20 pm
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@Jackal: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it :) I'm excited to get further into the story and introduce more of my own characters.
Guest
April 14th, 2016, 6:33 pm
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@LilBruno: I'm excited to read it. Despite any current or future criticism, I like how you've crafted your characters. I've read a lot of comics where the initial development took too long.

Sydney's fiery personality really came through from her attitude as well as her wardrobe right from the get-go. I got a good idea what I as getting into when I started the comic.

I really like that Watson is not played out as less than a minor character. He has a great dynamic of his own that I'd to see continue! This may be blasphemy, but he's better than Ash's Pikachu who's too plain.
Jane Doe (Guest)
April 14th, 2016, 10:38 pm
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@Guest: Yeah, we got really off track, sorry LilBruno!

I have something to add too - I really like the sense of depth in your drawings. It adds a lot of character to the drawing!

I know this might be a bit much, but perhaps you could apply a slight gradient to the line between light and shadow on faces and bodies? I was thinking it might help bring out that depth a little more, since the shadows on clothing is often much sharper than that on skin or fur.

Aside from that I also have to compliment the use of color - things feel vibrant and lit in every panel where it's expected, and it brings out the strength of the lighting without looking off-beat. Actually, I feel you did a better job than the anime in terms of color.

Thanks for all you do!
LilBruno
April 15th, 2016, 10:00 am
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@Jane Doe: It's okay.

Thanks for the kind words, I'm glad you like the color use, it's something I've been experimenting with as the comic goes on.

Also with the shading, the "cel-shading" is just the style of shading that I like to do. Sometimes I do more of a gradient or smooth shading in standalone pieces on the side, but for this comic, this is just the style I decided to stick with.
Jane Doe (Guest)
April 16th, 2016, 10:11 am
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@LilBruno: I noticed! That's why I commented about gradients between the light and shadow on skin or fur. But, that isn't color, it's shading, which is my mistake.

Sometimes I get too excited when I find a neat comic, lol.
LilBruno
April 15th, 2016, 9:56 am
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@Guest: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it :3 And yea, Watson is pretty much along side a main character, I'm glad you like him!
Agu Fungus (Guest)
May 22nd, 2016, 9:15 pm
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Personally, I think she looks better with her hair untied, but everything else in the last panel looks so good on her from head to toe (especially the latter &#128521;).
LilBruno
May 23rd, 2016, 9:47 am
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@Agu Fungus: I do too, it's not a permanent look at all. Just once in a great while, there will be other hairstyles she does as well as this one. I really just wanted to show off her two-toned hair more cause it could've been interpreted as just a shadow when her hair is down and I wanted to make it obvious lol Thanks, I'm glad you enjoy her design :)